You count
by Elephant Parking
Summary: Butters isn't the only boy in fourth grade who hasn't kissed a girl. He's just the one who isn't holding a tetherball. I fail at descriptions but this is my first fic... Slight slash.


You Count

"Alright guys, gather round. Everyone should be a witness to this. Alright, you ready? Now say 'I'm a dork and I deserve what's coming to me." Cartman pointed up at Butters as he said the last part. "Come on dude, I'm a dork and I deserve what's coming to me." He was starting to get frustrated.

"...I'm a dork and I deserve what's coming to me." Butters said, nervously dangling from the tetherball pole by his underwear. With that, Cartman smiled and threw the tetherball. "Ow," he winced in pain as the rope wrapped around the pole and the ball flew up, hitting him in the face. This just made the chubby boy standing on the ground beneath him happier.

"Alright, your turn Craig."

"Fellas, my undwear is so far up my butt crack my legs are numb!" Butters whined, hoping for a little sympathy from the group of boys bellow, but to no avail.

"That's what you get for being a douchebag again, Butters. You gotta take your medicine." Cartman said, stating it as if it were a fact, rather than just another excuse to torture the little blond.

Craig prepared to hit the ball. "Yeah I guess I deserve it," Butters frowned. It wasn't as if he didn't get enough comments like that at home, but Cartman did have a good point for once.

"Hey hey! What are you guys picking on Butters for this time?" Craig lowered the ball to stare at the other black haired boy along with the crowd. He didn't care what Stan was saying, he just wanted to wait until everyone was looking again to hit the ball into Butters' face.

"Oh dude, you guys are not gonna believe this!" Cartman said dramatically. "You know what we just found out? Well it turns out that Butters, _our Butters, _has never kissed a girl!" He said it as if it was the most shocking thing in the world. His two friends just stared at him and Craig decided he was done waiting, hitting the ball into Butters' face. The little "Unf" Butters gave as it hit him proved very satisfying.

"So what?" Asked Kyle-I-have-never-wanted-to-kiss-a-girl-Broflovski angrily.

"So what? So I'm almost nine years old and anyone who hasn't kissed a girl by fourth grade is a dork!" Craig hit the ball into Butters' face again in agreement. "Unf" This time his pain made Cartman laugh and Craig legitimately think about laughing, although he kept a straight face anyway.

Then Clyde and Token had to come running up and ruin all the fun. They said something about a little girl named Sally Darson kissing boys for money, and a very excited Butters just had to give it a try. Most of the little boys in the group helped, following the blond into the bathroom as he readied himself for his big moment. Butters brushed his hair and put on a tie nervously in front of the mirror, making Craig a little confused. He didn't understand why kissing a girl was such a big deal. Kisses were just small, insignificant displays of affection. Maybe if he hadn't ever kissed anyone he'd understand. Or maybe, because he was the oldest boy in the class, he was just more mature than everyone else. Probably that last one, since he already knew it was true.

"So when she sticks her tongue out, you just kind of lick it with your tongue." Clyde said, in what was probably the most awkward description of a kiss Craig had ever heard. It got stares from all of the other boys too. Oh but Butters was _so_ nervous that he just _had_to stall and tell everyone and Kyle-the-fag-Broflovski stalled even more with talk about how it should be _special_ and shit like that. While he was sort of right, this was all taking entirely too long.

"Oh god, why don't you just sit under a rainbow and write a poem, Kahl." Cartman said, sarcastically summing up just about everything Craig had been thinking at the time. And then there was the dramatic walk over to where Sally was giving out kisses and the dramatic pause for Butters to gain his composure and the dramatic wait for him to get his kiss and blah blah blah blah blah. Craig was getting bored, but he couldn't walk away. Peer pressure and curiosity wouldn't let him.

As Butters turned the corner, he pretended to be as happy as the other boys seemed to be. He clapped and pretended to smile and everything, but it still didn't make any sense to him. What was so important about getting kissed by some random girl on the playground? And as Butters walked away, talking to some of the other boys about Sally, Craig drifted away from the group to go do something more important until the bell rang. Tweek followed him.

"Agh! Nngh... C-craig?" The blond said, nearly walking straight into Craig's back when he stopped to turn around and look at him.

"What?" His voice was flat and emotionless as usual. Tweek shifted and twitched and looked everywhere but Craig's eyes before continuing his question.

"W-why are you picking on Nngh Butters? You haven't kissed a girl either." There was a moment of silence as the two boys stared at each other. Or at least tried to, since Tweek was blinking about as fast as humanly possible, if not faster.

"You count." Craig said finally.

"O-oh Jesus I do? I count as a Nngh as a girl?" Tweek's eyes were wide in shock, as if he didn't already know. Maybe he didn't, but Craig thought it was pretty obvious. Though it did remind him of how special his first kiss had been. Along with the many little kisses that followed it.

"Yep." More silence was spawned as the blond tried hard to understand what had just been said. Finally he got things straight in his mind.

"Gah! S-so do you count too then?" Tweek clutched at his hair in anticipation for his best friend's response.

"Nope." Craig leaned over to give his twitchy blond friend a little kiss on the cheek. "We're hanging you up on the tetherball pole tomorrow," he whispered in Tweek's ear.

* * *

A/N: My first little fanfic. :) I know it isn't much, but I was really nervous to post it. Actually, I'm still super nervous but thats what happens when you re-read your work a thousand times. I hope I wrote enough to where it seemed like I actually did something. And I hope it doesn't seem awkward. I know its not very good, but everyone needs a starting point, I guess.


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